Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Love in the age before Viagra By Ambeth Ocampo

---I'm posting this from the Philippine Daily Inquirer (First Posted 22:34:00 02/09/2010). Love this so much. Ambeth Ocampo is one the most trusted historians of the Phils. I often read him. Enjoy reading!


“LOVE IN THE TIME OF CHOLERA” by Gabriel Garcia Marquez is on a long list of books that I have to read before I die. I have been told, by no less than Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo, that this long and complicated novel is worth the trouble, but then I often browse or read in bits and pieces these days in search of topics to fill this column space.

Since Valentine’s Day and Chinese New Year come on the same day in 2010, I thought of doing a column on the various amulets and love potions for sale in the makeshift stalls outside Quiapo church. I have seen the reused “lapad” bottles filled with strange and obviously inedible liquids marked crudely with paper labels that scream “Pampalaki” (Enlarger) or “Pamparegla” (Menstruation inducer). There are leaves, roots, herbs, crystals galore, and stones of various colors that make one irresistible to the opposite sex if mixed and administered correctly. (I should remind Danton Remoto that Ladlad should campaign for love potions for those attracted to the same sex.)

Among the many fascinating anting-anting available, the one that literally stands out from those brass plaques inscribed with Latin mumbo-jumbo is an image of the Christ-Child, the Santo Niño, depicted in all its naked glory. This brass image has the iconographic attributes, rays or “potencies” radiating from its head. On the left hand the Santo Niño carries an orb while the right hand is raised in blessing. What makes this different from the rest is that the Infant is shown with an erect penis. I have not seen it yet but I have been told that you can buy this in various sizes (its member also comes in various sizes with some models having bigger, forgive the pun, screw-on member). This amulet, which is supposed to make men irresistible to women, has been around longer than Viagra.

To get some background on this, I turned to the late Fr. Francisco Demeterio’s four-volume “Dictionary of Philippine Folk Beliefs and Customs” (Cagayan de Oro: Xavier University, 1970). It has no entry on the naked Santo Niño from Quiapo, but it contains a whole section on “lumay” or love charms that the loveless on Valentine’s Day 2010 can try out with the same hope that one brings to a lotto outlet.

First, there is the “Angelito” or “little angel” that is taken from the corpse of a female infant. Unfortunately, there are no instructions on how to go about acquiring this amulet, it just says that it is difficult to get but promises any man who has it the attention of all the beautiful maidens in the neighborhood. So strong is this “angelito” (actually it should be known by its feminine form “angelita”) that maidens will make advances on the bearer.

Another amulet, made from the ashes from a spotless black cat, is said to make the bearer invisible and attractive to the opposite sex. Another option is to abstain from bathing for a whole week, with no part of the body being washed, not even the face. The accumulated grease and grime (libag) is then rubbed off and placed in a bottle, and then mixed with tuba or chocolate for the girl to drink unknowingly. This will make her more responsive to the man.

More difficult to do for a man is to tie a butterfly to a woman’s hair. If accomplished, the woman will go crazy over him. Another method, which is almost impossible to do in urban areas today, is to watch the night sky in search of a falling star. When a man sees one, he should take a pebble from the ground and place it in his mouth. This will make him lucky in love, or perhaps turn him into Darna.

You can also look for a star or the new moon. When you see this, it is a favorable time for courtship.

If you don’t like making love amulets at night, there is one that can be made in the daytime. Face the sunrise and do not close your eyes. When the intensity of the sunlight increases, you will begin to shed tears. Harvest three teardrops on a tobacco leaf and close your eyes before you go blind. Then roll the tobacco and smoke it near the object of your affection. One sniff and he is all yours.

Holy Week is just around the corner (Ash Wednesday comes next week). Bring a handkerchief with you to church on Good Friday. Immerse it in Holy Water and that will make you attractive to the opposite sex.

If you are brave enough to do so, go around at night on Good Friday in search of a special banana species whose heart opens and drops a hard stone that you must swallow. In other variations of this banana amulet story you must grapple with a demon before swallowing the amulet.

There is one thing the sponsor of a newly baptized girl can do for his godchild. He should run to the door after the ceremony so that she will have many suitors.

Finally there is the belief that you can see the face of your future spouse by standing before a mirror in a dark room at midnight holding a lighted candle. The face of the beloved will appear behind your reflection. This can be done on Valentine’s Day, but you have to wear black instead of red to make this work. The terrifying part of this process, as immortalized in Nick Joaquin’s classic short story, “May Day Eve,” is that sometimes the devil appears instead of the beloved.

Oh, how innocent they were in the age before Viagra.

Comments are welcome at aocampo@ateneo.edu

Humility


Let’s face it. It’s hard to be humble. In fact, if there is any weakness of man that has prevented him from succeeding it is most often than not, pride.

Maybe I’m just being too emotional here but today, after having a debate with some “linguists” and “PHD” holders about something, I felt so heavy. The point is when you want to say something and you’re saying it not for anything but for the fact that you are right, people won’t listen to you if you don’t have a title. They won’t. You won’t be heard while those who are “authorities(?)” are listened to even if they are egregiously wrong! This simply drives me nuts! And while there are those who listen to you, they only do it so that they could feed the other party some information they would throw next time around. So today, I have made a few resolutions of the things I would and wouldn’t do once I already have my PHD.

1) Keep my humility. When arguing about something, I will never use my title or claim that I am an expert like “I’m a linguist so I should know..” or “I’m a doctor!” After all not all PHDs are truly experts, some of their claim to be so but deep inside the PHD cloak is a dimwitted individual.

2) Open my mind for corrections. This is to admit that I am just human. My knowledge is limited only to things I know. If I commit a mistake, I would readily admit it and say, “I stand corrected.” Or “I’m not so familiar with that. Let me check it out.”

3) Practice Prudence. Before making conclusions, I will make sure that my contentions are correct and supported by sources. I learned this from experience. I wouldn’t want to sound so idiotic for a PHD holder.

4) Keep learning. Exhaust time and energy to learn more and discover new things. After all, every single day, many discoveries happen and what is true now may no longer be true tomorrow.

5) Speak only when asked to give my opinion and know all sides of the issue. Need I say more?

6) Established a good name. This is to say, building my integrity both as a private and public person. Exhibit likable qualities as teacher and colleague, son and brother, friend and neighbor.

7) Help others. Not only the poor but anybody who needs help.

And lastly, I won’t ever say, “Are you a linguist?”